Social isolation can be difficult, especially if you are single! There are days when it can almost feel like solitary confinement. Yet as a Cancerian, I love being in my home space and am enjoying the time to reflect on my personal development journey. Last week’s Supermoon brought a lot of this energy to the surface and here is what that I’ve learnt about MODERN DATING and looking for love!
1. You are going to get your heart broken! And it hurts.
Modern dating is hard and it’s a pain that single girls in the current world know all too well.
We’ve all been there. You meet an amazing guy and you instantly feel that you have an incredible connection. Yet, after your first date (or virtual chat in the current circumstances!) you are left wondering, ‘When is he going to call?’ Or worse still, ‘Why didn’t I hear from him again?’
Matthew Hussey provides some interesting insight into the perils of modern dating in his book, “Get The Guy: Learn the Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve.” I read it a while ago and looking back I almost find it a little cliché now. But at the time, I remember thinking that reading his book simply reminded me of everything that my 20-year-old self already knew.
It’s easy to fall in love with someone who has never been badly hurt before, as they don’t have any walls up.
I guess that the heartbreaks that come harden us in time. But it’s the break ups that actually make us learn to love ourselves more. I’ve certainly been through my fair share of failed relationships over the years. Yet I wouldn’t change my experiences in modern dating for the world, as the heartbreaks have made me into a much stronger person today.
2. We may be socially isolated at the moment, but that doesn’t have to stop you from looking for love. However, it also doesn’t have to be a priority.
As it turns out, there actually is such a thing as a ‘cool girl!’ when it comes to dating.
And according to the author of ‘Catch Him And Keep Him’, Christian Carter, this is what you need to know instinctively if you want to avoid getting your heart broken. Christian explains that a ‘cool girl’ is someone who is confident enough to be her true self when dating. She sets personal boundaries and will playfully flirt with a potential partner, making him feel valued and needed. But she does not make herself too available, as she is busy living her own life. Even if that life is currently in lockdown!
Being alone may make you crave a romantic connection more than ever! However, going through this crisis alone and focusing on your own inner growth and personal development is perfectly fine too.
The social distancing limitations that have been put in place recently have made it harder than ever to meet someone in the way I would prefer – in person! So last Friday night, I gave in to online dating and downloaded Tinder again. Yet, it only took one night of mindless swiping to remind myself that it is not the right platform for me. I’m not seeking someone just for the sake of not being alone, therefore I’d prefer to stay single and focus on my personal goals. Long distance relationships are challenging at the best of the times, and even more so when you are first starting to get to know someone. So for now, I’d rather put my energy into my own self-development.
3. If a man genuinely likes you, you’ll know! Relationships are meant to challenge us, but when you meet the right person, falling in love will feel easy.
Some of the best dating advice I’ve ever received came from another Flight Attendant, back when we were still able to spend our days in the skies.
We were on a break in the back galley and discussing the perils of modern dating. I had just started seeing someone at the time, but wasn’t really sure where it was going. She was in a relationship and didn’t hold back in giving me quite blunt advice! In fact her take on dating was kind of simple,
‘If he likes you, you’ll know. If not, you’ll be confused’.
And it that moment the penny finally dropped for me. Of course, men and women are different in many ways, especially when it comes to dating. But I always know when I man genuinely likes me!
Now don’t get me wrong. That’s not to say you’ll have it all figured out from the moment you meet. Relationships take time to grow and most of us start out excited yet somewhat unsure of how it will unfold. You have to take a chance on love and put yourself out there in order to find a genuine connection. But if what he’s giving you back is not quite matching the effort you are putting in, then be careful you are not missing the red flags! He’s probably a player who is not ready to settle down, or a narcissist with his own set of issues and you don’t need that kind of toxic energy in your life.
Enter ‘The Relationship Guy’. It may be hard to pick the players from the guys who are genuinely looking for love.
But the truth is, they really do treat you differently! They will take the time to get to know you and will take you on proper dates. They will call you first and make future plans in order to see you again. And if they really like you, they will smile nervously when they look at you, wondering how on earth they got so lucky to be the object of your affection! Just be careful that they are not playing the victim. There are plenty of serial daters out there, who have not taken the time to heal after getting their heart broken. And with divorce rates and separations on the rise, a new relationship is probably just a rebound for a lot of people. The victims enter into the connection with the hope of finding someone to take away their pain, instead of working on their own self-confidence.
I’m probably not the best person to be giving relationship advice, since my track record in dating is not exactly great!
But I’d like to think I’ve learnt a lot from my mistakes. I’ve done a lot of inner work in recent years, so I do know my own worth in a relationship. And perhaps the most important thing that I’ve tried to remember is that you cannot form a meaningful, lasting connection with someone who is not truly ready to be in love.
4. For far too long we have been living in a state of disconnect! And modern dating is partly to blame.
Last week, I went for a walk by the beach and saw a little girl being piggybacked her dad. ‘Dad! Why am I upside down?’, she giggled as he grabbed her by her ankles and playing spun her around.
I smiled as I walked past and thought to myself, ‘The whole world feels upside down at the moment!’ And suddenly, in that moment, I realised that adults everywhere are currently taking a ‘time out’ for the benefit of the next generation! For so long we have been living in disconnect, constantly craving connections but addicted to our phones and not forming genuine or meaningful, lasting loving relationships.
And this got my thinking about what impact the coronavirus pandemic will have on the future of modern dating.
Will social isolating encourage more bad behaviour, like the catfish I encountered on Tinder<? (Read that story here!) Or men who pressure women into sending them nudes on Snapchat? Will ghosting still be a thing, when people disappear, too scared to break up with someone in person or even via text or social media! Or, will people come out of this craving more genuine connections? I guess only time will tell but I truly hope it’s the later.
5. The lunar energy can bring relationship issues to the surface and a Supermoon is a powerful time to release what no longer serves us in modern dating.
As an empath, I often pick up on other people’s energy and I am also very in tune with the lunar cycles.
Yet despite the Libra Supermoon being described as extremely potent by most astrologists, I actually didn’t feel much emotion at all about my current single status. Self-isolation has taught me to become extremely comfortable in my own skin, quite literally! I have scrubbed off my fake tan and haven’t worn make up or washed my hair in over a week. But I’m home alone, so who really cares. Isolation is not about posting photos on Instagram looking for attention.
What is important to focus on during social isolation is surrounding yourself with the people in your life who love and support you, no matter what!
If you were in a relationship that ended recently, know that this person was removed from your life for a reason. A group of girlfriends can lift you up and are more likely to bring out the best in you during these times. And we are all going to get through this, together!
Personally I have been trying to tune out from all of the coronavirus talk, spending my evenings alone on the comfort of the couch with a glass of wine, watching trashy television!
Most of it seems rather meaningless at the moment. But something I recently heard on MAFS has really stuck with me. One of the participant’s parents shared some wisdom with her daughter, suggesting
‘Relationships are not about just about finding something that you like and can connect with. They are also about finding someone that wants to walk the same path as you’.
For me, that statement couldn’t be more true! I meet a lot of men, although only some that I like in a romantic way. However, I actually find it rather easy to create a connection with a man, even if it’s just a friendship level. But what I’ve struggled to find, particularly in the last year, is someone who is on the same page as me. I have a lot of goals and my life path is not exactly what most people my age would plan for their future!
I guess this has made me somewhat reluctant to continue looking for love, as my dream of flying internationally again is something my previous partner wasn’t able to support. And when I do chat with potential partners, I sometimes feel cautious to play my cards quite close to my chest. I don’t want to them to be scared off by the lifestyle I lead, which doesn’t exactly fit within the social norms. However, I also don’t want to lie or lose sight of my goals, so my mantra for this Supermoon was: ‘Don’t change who you really are!’
Surprisingly, during this period of self-isolation, I haven’t really felt lonely at all.
But I have had an opportunity to reconnect with my creative side and I have realised something that this is something that I have been suppressing for quite some time now! Not necessarily consciously, but simply because I haven’t previously had the time to stop and remember what it is that truly makes me happy. And for me, that is a simple life. Although I love travelling the world for work, I am happiest when I am in my home. I love doing the things that truly make me happy like cooking, yoga and meditation, reading and working on creative projects like this blog. But I also crave a romantic connection.
It’s been a year since my last relationship and I’m definitely ready to open myself up to love again. When life does return to normal, I hope my new normal is somewhat different though. I’m looking for a relationship that comes easily, so that I can continue to travel the world but still feel very connected to the people that I love at home. What are your thoughts on Modern Dating? I’d love to hear your stories and share in some of the insights you’ve gained during the recent Libra Supermoon! Please leave a comment below.